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Hattrick
VIRTUE DEBASES IN JUSTIFYING ITSELF

"La vertu s'avilit à se justifier"
-Oedipe, act II, scene IV (1718)

As I unzipped my fly and started pissing into the toilet, I noticed a large log of shit sleeping quietly at the bottom of the bowl. It must have been sitting there a while, as it gave off a pinkish red aura into the surrounding water.

The urine streaming into it made it look like a Tequila Sunrise.

I stood there, motionless, dick in hand, thinking back to the platform toilets in Holland. Using them meant having to stare at a lump of shit sat on a pedestal.

There your waste sits, in the open air, a memory of last nights toasted cheese sandwich with curry sauce. It is difficult to not leave a streaked skid mark unless you build a raft of toilet paper for it to surf on down the S bend on.

But at least with the platform toilet you only are looking at your own, as I thought back to using the toilet in Dubai.

Having to squat over a stainless steel hole, sneakers three inches deep in other peoples toasted cheese sandwiches.

Having wasted enough time staring at someone else's shit, I zipped up my fly, hit the full flush button and went back to work.

 

  • James Hattrick
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